The Snow Giraffe Blogs

I am too scared to break young tech savy minds by exposing them to this well, lets say  interesting database post about cloud computing by posting highlights in my tech blog. So I’ll put them here. And for those non-nerds out there, just say highly available, cloud or scalable as often as you can and no one will ever know. For the geeks, somebody please please please help me understand this post. In case its included in MySQL DBA certification exam I’m taking next week.
Disclaimer:  You are about to be face punched with a highly available word salad as my friend who shall remain unnamed said. The incomplete sentences and typos are taken verbatim but are perhaps actually quotes from someone else called Jim. Round 1 ding ding…

I’m a database developing building a database system for clouds. Tell me what you need. Why I too am a database developing building! I need a unique composite key for my front door and a cloud for my sky. Oh and could I get a chandelier for the foyer?

If you scale, you don’t/can’t worry about server reliability Oh, you know I never do.

I’m a database guy who’s had it with disks. Didn’t much like the IBM 1301, and disks haven’t gotten much better since. Ugly, warty, slow, things that require complex subsystems to hide their miserable characteristics. The alternative is to use the memory in a cloud as a distributed L2 cache. Well I don’t know about you, but I am going to use a virtual, yet highly available shoe.

Oh, please please read on…..

Any application can access data from any language and any platform from now and into the future. I am going to access data from Spanish C++ and teleport it to the future with my chainsaw hands. Tho seriously, this future sucks. Instead of flying cars and hovercraft everyone is overly concerned with rounded buttons.

Personally, I don’t like masters any more than I like slaves. And how do you feel about finger monkeys?

The fewer the things that application developers need to manage the more likely it is that the application will work. Dude, seriously. Are you going to round the corners on the buttons then yourself?

A facility to reach into the past to recover from human errors (drop table customers; oops;);The fewer the tables that DBAs accidentally drop, the more likely it is that the application will work. Oh, and it will probably perform higher than available like you.

So it behooves us to re-examine a lot an ancient and honorable assumptions to see if they make any sense at all in this brave new world. Fact.

Yes, disks are still there, but they’re out of the performance loop except for data so stale that nobody has it memory. Hey man, I forgot to commit the porn to memory. Can you check if there still down there for me. Maybe they went stale.

I couldn’t find a history of the evolution of website architectures so I just made stuff up.

Q.E.D.

Amigo, I don’t know what to say anymore. Thanks for playing. Come again soon!

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Computers and coding by blythe